Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
