Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
