and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
