Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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