I want to make a zoo with you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
