she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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