those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
