sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
