We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
a search helicopter?!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
