Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
