Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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