i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
