This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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