we have officially lost it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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