He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
