I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
