hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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