Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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