so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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