i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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