ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
