I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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