Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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