she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
