my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
