i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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