i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
