Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
