just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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