dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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