The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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