I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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