Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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