And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
