it's too hot outside to masturbate.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
