If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
