You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
