I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
