listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.