the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.