he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
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A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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