She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.