the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
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I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.