In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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