I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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