I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME