sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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