Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
