Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
