I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
