I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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