it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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