Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
