So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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