I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
