I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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