Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
