So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
