he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize