Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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