You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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