I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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