Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
