If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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