Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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