She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
