Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
