why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
