ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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