fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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