Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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