Your dad touched me again.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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